Creating Felt Safety for Autism and DID

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Safety In Your Relationships

From our experience, recovery from dissociative identity disorder seems impossible if you do not feel safe. If you are not safe, all your energy will go into achieving a sense of safety instead of focusing on healing and recovery. (Anchored by Cindy R. Lee). One key area of safety is found within our relationships. To evaluate whether your relationships are safe enough, consider downloading Lysa TerKeurst's guide, "Is This Normal? 15 Red Flags You May Be Missing in Your Relationships." We also recommend the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, which can help you learn to establish safe boundaries between yourself and others. The concepts in Boundaries have provided incredibly valuable insights into creating safe, healthy relationships. We hope you can make choices that lead you to safer relationships.

Felt Safety in Your Home

You can be safe without feeling safe if your relationships offer enough security. "Felt Safety" is a concept developed by Dr. Karyn Puris and Dr. David Cross at Texas Christian University. Once we confirmed that we were physically safe, we focused on creating Felt Safety in our home environment. We implemented changes such as hanging curtains to shield ourselves from outside viewers and getting to know our neighbors. These strategies and more are discussed in the article, "7 Ways to Feel Safe in Your Home." We also engaged in serious autistic nesting, finding, acquiring, and arranging objects that evoke glimmers rather than triggers, which made our house feel more like a home. We intentionally decorated it to create an atmosphere of safety. For more on this topic, check out the article "Autism Nesting: Creating Cozy Sanctuaries for Comfort and Security."

Glimmers Rather Than Triggers

As mentioned earlier, we focused on creating glimmers instead of triggers. The term "glimmer," coined by Deb Dana, refers to anything that counteracts a trigger. In her book Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, Dana suggests going on a "glimmer journey" and maintaining a "glimmer journal" to identify and cultivate more glimmers to combat triggers. We keep a running list of everything we perceive as a glimmer in a note-taking app on our phone. Focusing on glimmers can be incredibly helpful when life feels filled with unsafe triggers. Watch this YouTube video by The Holistic Psychologist for additional insights on glimmers.

Creating Art

Art can be a powerful tool for creating Felt Safety and overcoming fear. As Elizabeth Gilbert eloquently says, "Fear doesn't understand creativity." For those of you who are autistic and have dissociative identity disorder, art offers an easily accessible means of self-expression and safety. We've used the Art Freedom Journal to learn various concepts and techniques for creating art. The next book we plan to purchase is Essential Art Therapy Exercises: Effective Techniques to Manage Anxiety, Depression, and PTSD. If you're beginning your journey into art, we highly recommend starting with that book for valuable guidance.

Releasing Rage

Experiencing rage and meltdowns is common for individuals with autism and dissociative identity disorder. Releasing anger and rage in healthy ways is critical to maintaining safety. Read the article "10 Healthy Ways to Release Rage" by Mental Health America for helpful strategies.

Dealing With Self-Harm

Research indicates that autistic people are more likely to self-harm than non-autistic individuals. For statistics and details, refer to the article by Autistica titled Autism and Self-Harm." We have overcome our history of self-harm and have not engaged in self-injurious behavior for about 19 years. Stopping self-injury can be challenging but achievable—we are living proof. One effective method we found to curb self-harm was wearing a rubber band on our wrist and snapping it instead of injuring ourselves. For a comprehensive list of alternatives, read the article "Alternatives to Self-Harm and Distraction Techniques" by the NHS. If you are struggling with self-harm, please follow the guidelines provided in "Staying Safer with Self-Harm" by the NHS. For more in-depth knowledge on self-harm, its causes, and ways to overcome it, we recommend the book Secret Scars by V.J. Turner.

Ultimate Safety

When we do not experience Felt Safety, we turn to our Creator, the only one who can truly provide safety. Psalm 139 was the first passage we read in the Bible, and we still find comfort in it decades later. It emphasizes that God is always with us and deeply values us. The solidity of these truths reassures us that God is our ultimate source of safety. 

Moving Towards Stability

As Bessel van der Kolk states in The Body Keeps the Score, "Feeling safe is a necessary condition for you to confront your fears and anxieties." Utilize every available tool and opportunity to create a sense of Felt Safety so you can progress in your recovery and move onto Building Trust.